I am truly the most inpatient person in this universe. My beloved mom used to try and make my 'sufferful' waiting a bit easier with a Bible verse; "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matt 6:33)"
Cheers mom. THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO HEAR. I want everything, and I want now! I don't have time and patience seeking any kingdom! I want it now! Pfff…..
But the thing is….. she is right.
This summer was definitely the hardest thing I ever had to pass. I feel like it was some sort of a test, or a battle between life and death. After so many bad decisions, rebellion and painful experiences, the only wish I had left was to die. The pressure and the feeling of giving up was so strong that I saw no beauty in life or the future.
I had promised to be part of this amazing tour around Finland with my friends from Israel. I decided to join, even though the thought of God being the daily subject, made me very uncomfortable. Why would I want to give testimonies about a god who had left me so abandoned after so many promises. But I joined the tour anyway. Best decision of my life so far, actually I don't even think it was me deciding, but Someone Greater leading.
The tour ended up being like a perfect overdose of God, Faith and Love. I started to remember Who God is. Then I started realizing when my life started going off track… It wasn't God who abandoned me on my rough times, it was me leaving Him, I denied him 3 times before the rooster crowed. I felt so embarrassed and unworthy, but I decided to pray one more time.
-God smiled, He smiled, He was there for me. He was there when I was broken, He held me.
And we danced...
Right after I came back from the tour I was given a challenge to date one month with The Almighty. To fill my every moment, my thoughts, my heart with Him. With a fear, embarrassment and a spark of hope I took the challenge. On this coming monday, it will be the 1 month anniversary of me and Him, I don't want to stop. I won't.
Truly this was a new beginning. From the moment I decided to let Him in again and following Him, everything started falling to place. I had that peace again, I saw beauty. The people He brought into my life started talking about 'a new beginning', without knowing anything about my past.
There is Hope and Forgiveness.
And for as long as i shall live I shall testify His love.
This is the story of the most annoying Bible verse. God. And Me.
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matt 6:33)"